not just random

Ever been to a casino? Strolled down the rows of slot machines? Noticed the compulsions? The hope and occasional happiness? Yeah, it’s definitely there. Naturally you can find excitement, enthusiasm, sometimes luck. Some people do win, hit it big, be stars for a night.

I never quite understood those who calmly sit in front of their machine, almost bored, as the LCD is blinking the word Jackpot. No, they are not jumping up and down, going crazy, embracing the thrill of unexpected riches. Maybe they have seen it all before, maybe they lost more than they won, maybe they can all but wallow, incapable of displaying emotion beyond a lazy nod, having been degraded to senseless blobs by their gambling addictions or whatever other hells their lives may harbor.

It’s hard to tell.

I was clearly unprepared for what happened to me - the bright cold blink: Jackpot.

Too tired to quite follow my own actions I had inserted some cash, bet a maximum amount and pressed a button several times until the machine stopped. Simply refused to let me play any longer.

It’s not straining the speakers with the load Soundtrack of a Winner. No, nothing, but that steady blink: Jackpot. Irritation gives way to understanding as I count and multiply. Moments later staff is there, counting a wad of cash into my outstretched right.

Not congratulating me, not shaking my hand, she’s not interested in my autograph, offers no bottle of champagne and doesn’t seem to think of notifying the press.

She is gone as quickly as she came, my wallet not quite twice as thick and we decide to leave.

I am trying to justify my lack of emotion - it’s late, been a long day, I am just sooo relaxed, haha - but it impresses me nonetheless. The walk to the motel is short, we spend a couple moments staring at the winnings and then go to bed. Thankfully, I don’t need to worry about it as I am sleeping. My dreams are equally unfazed by all this. Numb.